We Think We Know How the Story Ends, but We Don’t
Keeping Faith during the COVID-19 Pandemic Crisis
I am currently still in the United States. My trip was to have lasted three weeks. Now I am here indefinitely until the worldwide public health crisis abates. I attempted to cut my trip short and return to my home in France, but I was unable to do so before the border of France closed, and the country went on lockdown. I could get a flight, but getting home to my small village in the South of France would be virtually impossible.
A few days ago, when I felt I was here without a place of my own and that I might have to live in a hotel for months on end, I faced a dark night of the soul. I questioned my decision to come here in the first place. Then I questioned my decision to care for personal matters that I could only take care of while I was in America instead of getting my ass on a plane and high-tailing it back home.
I started to doubt my decisions, and fear overtook my spirit. This COVID-19 pandemic might break me financially, and I wondered if all that I talk about and write about was true. Is my intuition and faith in God really there guiding my ways? Is there perfection in everything? Do I truly have courage as my brand claims?
I scolded myself with these questions and I spiraled down into despair.
It was a bad night, a sleepless night of raking myself over the coals. As I lay in my hotel bed, I tossed and turned. I cried, sitting up and holding my head in my hands. I second-guessed my choices, worrying about my dismal future. I told myself that being stranded would break me financially. Then I’ll have to get a job, and I won’t be able to because after this public health crisis ends, the whole world will be dealing with the financial crisis that will follow. Everyone will be vying for the same jobs as I am. I’ll be broke. My brand will be destroyed. I’ll be ruined, and I’ll have to leave France, the place that I consider home now, for good. I told myself such a gloom and doom story, and I spiraled into hopelessness.
I was concerned with where I would stay over the next weeks or possibly months as the public health crisis takes its tolls. I had had several options, and one by one during the course of a few hours they all dried up. I was looking at staying in a costly hotel for the duration.
I went to bed that night without hope, but the following day I received an offer from a couple that would be a win-win for all of us. It would provide me with a reasonably priced, comfortable place to stay in their guest quarters, and them with an additional income stream. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a glimmer of hope. Perhaps this situation would not break me after all.
Then the following day I got an offer to be on a radio show. The radio host who had seen me speak at an event (this was one of the reasons I was here in the states) was impressed. Appearing on her show could help me gain exposure for my business, I thought. Where might that lead?
More hope!
Maybe I hadn’t made a mistake in coming to the US after all.
Parable of a Chinese farmer
One day a Chinese farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbors came by to console him, saying, “It’s a shame that your horse is gone.”
The farmer replied, “Maybe.”
The following day the farmer went away and came back with seven wild horses. The neighbors remarked, “How wonderful! You now have seven horses.”
The farmer replied, “Maybe.”
The next day, the farmer’s son was trying to tame one of the horses and was thrown from the horse, breaking his leg. The neighbors came around, saying, “Isn’t it horrible that your son broke his leg?”
The farmer replied, “Maybe.”
The following day, the draft officers came by to sign the son up for the Army but did not sign him up because of his broken leg. The neighbors said to the farmer, “Isn’t it great that they didn’t draft your son?”
The farmer replied, “Maybe.”
This story goes to show that when we make judgments, good or bad about a situation, we can create narratives that give us hope or take away hope. The fact of the matter is we don’t know how the story is going to end.
“Maybe.”
This uncertain response and this farmer’s attitude, are things that I can remember when I start to judge my circumstances as bad or wrong or dire. They will give me hope and keep me from anticipating the worst because even though I think I know how the story ends, I don’t.
