Two Simple Tips to Go From Bashful to Bold
Get off the sidelines and get more out of life!
I am living a vibrant life here in the South of France. I’m constantly being challenged, learning, and growing. But I know my life could be richer and even more satisfying if I weren’t so shy. Shyness can be a governor which holds us back from doing the things that open our hearts and feed our souls more completely.
I’m bashful, that’s a fact, but I sometimes struggle with this character trait. I find myself wondering. “How can I be shy when I’m doing daring things? I’ve published two books that contain some very personal accounts of my life. I quit my job without having another one to replace it. I moved to France all by myself. How can I be nervous about or resistant to starting conversations with strangers?”
I have put myself out here and done some incredible things. In writing this, I’m reminded of the audacity I had to think I could do these things and of the boldness it took to pull them off. Because of that, I find it very frustrating that I struggle to go out and meet people. I am quite capable of going out for coffee or a meal by myself. I’ve done it so many times. This, coupled with the audacious things I’ve accomplished, makes it hard for me to understand why I haven’t done it recently. It irritates me that just thinking about taking this action, going to a restaurant alone, makes me nervous and uncomfortable.
But something happened this week that I believe will help me move through my hesitation. My friend Silje visited me this week from Norway. Two of the three mornings she was here, we went for coffee at Le Grand Cafe, which was one of Pablo Picasso’s haunts when he visited Céret. Our morning outings there for coffee and tea were bright spots in our days, days that we would fill with exploration and adventure.
As we sipped our drinks, Silje and I practiced speaking French to each other, falling in and out of English from time to time. We watched people passing on foot and bikes. We watched the happenings of the café — the waitress’s interaction with her customers and what beverages they were drinking (alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike). We even connected with other patrons when something of interest happened, like when that cute dog whizzed by in a bicycle basket or when we mispronounced a French word, and a native French speaker gently corrected us. These were delightful mornings. Simply lovely.
After our second visit, I found myself asking why don’t I go to the café when I’m by myself? My answer revealed my real reservation. It wasn’t a fear of going out by myself, but rather a desire to avoid feeling alone when I do.
I live alone. But feeling alone while I’m in my apartment is something I’ve learned to handle reasonably well. It’s something I’ve even learned to embrace. In fact, the idea of having a house guest was something for which I had to prepare myself. Being alone at a café or restaurant, where most of the people are with friends or family, brings up a different aspect of loneliness. It makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. Perhaps I’m not likable enough to have friends with whom to go out. And being solo around people who aren’t alone only underscores the fact that I am alone.
In these instances, nothing has changed about my situation except for the surroundings. The laughter from a neighboring table or the love expressed by a couple across the patio as they kiss tenderly, makes me feel more lonely and isolated than when I’m at home, alone.
But somehow, the experiences I had at the café with Silje and the interaction with those around us, make me feel more willing, more desirous of going out for coffee alone. Perhaps I’ll make a weekly routine of it. I am quite capable of making connections with people, especially when I’m curious and open-hearted. This was the case this week with my friend. I am more open to the idea of going out for a drink by myself now because I feel more comfortable speaking French. And this week, I recognized that the happenings around me are conversation starters, a great way to connect.
Being curious and asking myself questions like: “I wonder who will be there today?” or “What unusual or funny situation will unfold?” or “What interesting conversation might I overhear?” make me want to go and find out. Also, I find that when I’m not in my head thinking about me and my situation, my heart opens up; that’s when I feel a connection with others. That’s when I have had encounters, even simple ones, that enhance and enrich my life and which are potential grist for the mill.
Are you bashful yet bold? Or are you shy and building self-confidence to do the things you desire? Either way, here are two tips to help you infuse curiosity and openness into the things you hesitate to or fear to act upon. In this way, you can advance and live a more vibrant and fulfilling life.
1. Add the “Wonder Factor” into your life
When you feel hesitancy or fear at the thought of doing what you want to do, ask yourself questions like: “I wonder what I’ll learn after I’ve taken this action?,” “How will I feel when I’ve done this thing?,” or “What opportunity might present itself as a result of stepping out of my comfort zone?”
2. Get out of your head and into your heart
Affirm to yourself something like: “I am open to experiencing the gifts of today.” or “My heart is open to be in this moment.” If you breathe deeply while you do this, you will become even more present to experience things outside of yourself.
Using these two approaches will help you take the first steps to do the things of which you are fearful or to which you resist. When you gain the experiences from taking these actions, you build confidence in yourself and can see and entertain new opportunities that had been hidden before. Try these tips out and see for yourself.
