There is a Time to Be Loyal and a Time to Let Go
Shifting Your Perspective Can Set You Up For Success
Deep connection is what I seek. I think it’s what we all seek or seek to maintain. It’s a fact of life.
I long to meet people, make new friends, and continue friendships. With the right man, I desire a long term romance. But my loyal personality has been a problem for me in the past when it came to having healthy relationships and solid boundaries.
I was the one who made the constant effort to stay in touch and prolong a friendship when it wasn’t right (or right anymore), believing that any contact was better than no contact, believing that connection with those whom I’d met was my destiny. But recently, I realized that people come into our lives for a while, be that five minutes, five years, or five decades, we learn from them and they from us, and then we move on and go on our separate ways.
It is this wisdom, paired with learning and honoring my values, that has allowed me to become more discriminating in relationships without feeling guilt at letting them go when the time is right.
It’s not about collecting friends and clinging to them or the memory of what once was. Instead, it’s about growing from the time spent together and continuing on our journeys, unattached to what was or what we believed could have been.
I am embracing this idea, especially now that I’m back in the dating game. It seems that lately, there is a speed with which I meet people, have an encounter, and move on. And I’m learning to do this without fearing that I’m running out of time or options. The payoff is enormous! I’m learning incredible lessons that increase my confidence, show me who I am and what is important to me on a deeper level, and build my faith in the process of life.
As I let go of my attachment to continuing friendships that have served their purpose and run their course, I understand they weren’t a waste. I am filled with a sense that the other person, too, has gained from our interaction, no matter how brief, and he is more prepared for what lies ahead of him.
My understanding of the fleeting nature of relationships is an extension of my awareness of how life works in general. For years, I’d regretted having taken my first job out of college, the one from which I suffered a case of chronic hives for nine months and from which I was summarily fired. But later I saw what role and valuable lessons I needed to learn from this experience. It provided useful material for my first book, Growing Bold.
There were also the things at which I failed — auditions, exams, a seven-year marriage — that have brought me a wealth of insights and faith in life. And of course, there were the successes that brought with them a different kind of discernment, often unexpected disappointment, that didn’t make sense at that moment, but later, with time and new life experiences, made sense.
Each experience added a resource to my tool belt, built my resilience, or in some other way, prepared me for another part of my journey. And I believe, so it is with relationships. Despite my desire to connect on a deep level and have long-lasting friendships and a profoundly loving and romantic relationship, I recognize each person I meet, short or long-term, surface or profound, is setting me up for something better in life.
In seeing how my past sets me up for my future, I can let go of my attachment to my desires and time frames, and have faith that they will come in due time. I will realize them when I am truly ready to receive and enjoy them.
I remain loyal to my dreams while letting go of the timing or exact imagery of them. In this way, I experience more, grow faster, and deepen my faith that life is on my side, that it is pulling for me to win.
