Thank God for Disappointments!

Find courage, resilience, and flow in unwanted situations

Disappointment is an excellent teacher. The guest I had lined up for the next episode of my podcast had to postpone at the last minute. I was all set to record; then 30 minutes before we were set to meet, I got an email from him. His daughter was sick, and he had to take her to the doctor. He wouldn’t be able to meet as planned.

His reason was a good one so I could be angry with him. However, I’d been excited to meet with him and uncover his story. I couldn’t wait to see where my vague first question would lead. I was anxious to see what nuggets about life and resilience I and my listeners would I take away. So I was disappointed for these reasons. But I was slightly annoyed for another reason.

I’ve been juggling so many things in the last month that I hadn’t been a good producer. I hadn’t been researching and asking guests to appear on the show as diligently as I should have. This lack of attention had caught up with me, and I was in just-in-time mode, recording my guests only one week before air date. The scheduled guest who’d canceled had just thrown my production schedule off track. I had no one to replace him with for the show next week.

That was the source of my annoyance. However, my feelings of disappointment and inconvenience felt like ripples of a lake rather than tsunamis on an ocean. This surprised me. After I learned we wouldn’t be recording, I started packing away my studio, and instead of thinking, “Oh great, now I’m hosed.” I told myself, I’m not sure why this happened, but I know it’s for the better. Hopefully I’ll see the lesson soon enough.

Then I went about working on my email newsletter. As I was thinking of my message my mind wandered and I considered what my options were for my show next week. I could repurpose content from earlier episodes. These always make interesting episodes. I could see if I could get a last-minute guest to help me out. I could even do a full-length solo episode. I could even skip a week, something I never entertained before.

Had this incident happened last year I might have gotten panicky or angry for fear that my show might not air as planned. What would my audience think? I would be disappointing myself and my listeners by not honoring my promise of weekly interviews. But instead, I was calm in knowing that everything happens for a reason and that the way life is unfolding is the way it is supposed to unfold. I would figure something out. I wasn’t stressed, and that felt good!

This incident shows my personal growth. It also points to the idea that it takes courage to take the high road and go with the flow when things don’t seem to be going your way. It takes courage because choosing takes courage.

We have a choice in our response to what happens to us in life. But choosing also requires awareness of this fact, and that only comes from inner work on and discipline with ourselves. This too is a choice and requires courage. When we do the inner work, then picking our response in negative situations is an option that opens up the floodgates of creativity and possibility. Without this awareness, reacting with blame, anger, or victimhood to situations that don’t match our idea of what should be happening is automatic.

Maya Angelou said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” This includes the virtue of conscious choice.

I’ll need a solution in less than 6 days for my broadcast, and at this point I’m still uncertain of what that will be. But in moving through my disappointment gracefully, I was able to tap into that place inside of me that is deep and still, and which has all the answers I will ever need to know as I navigate this unpredictable thing called life.

In moving through my disappointment with openness instead of fear, I was able to see options–the option to compile a better episode than might have been recorded had my guest not postponed, the opportunity to share this article with you, the ability to consider skipping a week without feeling guilt about it, the chance to pause and consider the direction and format of my podcast going forward. All of these possibilities occurred to me in the first hours after my dilemma appeared. And it is possible that more might come dawn on me today.

I live my life with the idea that “Life was not meant to be a struggle.” For years, I wanted this to be the case in my life, but I resisted, pushed, and struggled, trying to control circumstance that were beyond my control. In unpacking this incident, and in witnessing how I’m handling it, I can tell that I’m getting closer to living this ideal. Disappointment is an excellent teacher!