I Cheated Myself and It Cost Me Loads
A Lesson that was 35 Years in the Making
The distance I have traveled astounds me. Not only the 4,000 miles I traveled to move from Richmond, Virginia to Céret, France, but the distance from my head to my heart, from my body to my soul, from being half alive to living every moment to the fullest.
I awake each morning from a deep, deep restorative sleep excited for what the day will hold — feeling content and safe, grateful for what God has done in my life. I’m humbled by how He has orchestrated my life so perfectly.
“When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him. In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” — Albert Camus
I read this quote recently, and I was moved. I cant believe I feel this way now. Only it’s the glow of happiness on my face that inspires me to help others to see the light. The fact that I feel this way, after years of searching for meaning in life and chasing happiness, is a testament to my evolution. And it is not lost on me that it was a Frenchman who wrote this quote. My connection to Camus’ writing measures the distance I have traveled.
In 11th grade AP English, one of the books we were required to read was The Stranger by Camus. I can’t remember reading it, but I remember it sitting on my bookshelf years later. And I remember my classmates discussing it. Back then, I was looking for the shortcuts in life, especially when something was difficult, and I couldn’t see how doing that thing would get me to where I was plotting to go. For me, it was a waste of time. In those days, I got my education of The Stranger through Cliff’s Notes.
Now 35 years later, I’m different. I finally read The Stranger, and not in the version translated to English, but the original French version. I read it multiple times to understand the French wording and also to absorb Camus’ message more deeply. And I understood it! I appreciated the ironic humor, the blocked emotions, the expression of grief, and the idea that being different can be a costly proposition.
How far I have traveled, indeed!
I went from going through the motions, looking for the shortcut, and not seeing the purpose in anything that lay outside my well-laid plan to finding meaning and purpose in the less obvious or seemingly superfluous things in life.
I went to the source text of The Stranger, and despite the difficulty and the time it took, I read it. In doing so, I understood its essence. But I gained something even more precious. I learned that in trying to get to the finish line, the place I thought would bring me happiness, as quickly as possible, I was bypassing the fullness of life. This richness is what gives life greater purpose and meaning and which, I’ve now come to know, brings with it the happiness which I was seeking.
I didn’t see this evolution until I stumbled on that quote. I didn’t know the distance I’ve covered. I see it now, and I am humbled.
We all have covered many miles and learned many lessons. Though we might not be where we set out for with our well-laid plans, we have grown and evolved. We are different from who we were when we started our journey and have a better understanding of certain aspects of life. And although we might not be where we want to be, we are precisely where we are supposed to be, poised to learn the next lesson that brings us closer to our heart’s desires.
