Hell Yes or Hell No?
The Power of Polarity in Business and In Life
You have to be willing to turn people off if you want to find your tribe and make a more significant impact with your business. This was a message I heard loud and clear at two business conferences I attended in February. The audiences at each seminar were very different so the fact that both meetings addressed creating polarity in your marketing message gave it weight and validity in my mind.
Dictionary.com defines polarity as the positive or negative state in which a body reacts to a magnetic, electric, or other field. And having a marketing message that exudes the essence of your business in a way that strongly attracts those who you are targeting and repels those who you aren’t, helps make your message more effective. Your audience can self-identify and know whether you or your product is for them or not.
To do this, you need to take a stand on what you believe, commit to sharing that in your own unique and authentic way, and shout it from the rooftops. You might turn people off, but the people who need to hear your message can hear it and know it is for them. They can become part of your tribe. Without taking a stand and being authentic, they can’t hear the message. It gets lost in the noise.
Be Authentic and Stand Firm
The first event I attended was Message to Money Live hosted by Marisa Murgatroyd. She demonstrated the power of this concept by having us wave a red, green, or yellow flag depending on whether a particular marketing message she showed us turned us off, turned us on, or fell flat with us. As we participated, I began to see the importance of not being afraid to promote my uniqueness as a life experiences coach.
In this experiment, when we loved or hated the message we individually waved a green or red flag, respectively. There was division in the audience. You could see it, and I felt an emotional response. I knew from what viewpoint the organization was coming and I could appreciate their unique and bold presence (whether or not I liked it). When the message was bland and nondescript most of the attendees in the room held up yellow flags. No division. Then, Marisa pointed out that with the polarizing messages, the ones that attracted or repelled us, we could clearly see who potential clients were and they could see and opt into what the company was offering. With the yellow-flag messages, even if the company or product was something that audience members needed or could use, we would not give it a second thought because the messages did not resonate with us.
During the second conference I attended, Funnel Hacking Live, polarity was a topic as well. And I saw this principle play out in real life. One of the speakers had an affinity for the word “fuck”. Every other word out of his mouth was fuck, fucking or fucked. I found it to be a bit over the top, but I wasn’t offended. And though his message was strong and forceful, bordering on militaristic, what he was saying held truth. I was intrigued by his ideas and manner. Even though his cursing made it challenging for me to hear the message, in my mind, I was waving a green flag.
At one point in this speaker’s presentation, he had the audience share responses to his questions with someone seated next to them. My neighbor was an older man dressed conservatively. We both shared our answer to the speaker’s first question with each other, but when it came time to do the same with the second question my neighbor turned to me and said, red-faced, “This guy is really annoying.” Then he packed up his belongings and stormed out of the room filled with 6,000 other participants who were engaged and energized by the speaker. I smiled to myself and thought, “Wow, this polarity thing is real and works!”
It’s Not Just a Marketing Tool
The principle of polarity is useful not only in business, but also in your personal life.
Look at your life and how you are showing up in it right now. Would you vote to follow you decisively and hold up the green flag? Would you cast a vote to walk out of the room on you, waving the red flag? Or would you be uninspired to a follow or abandon yourself and wave the yellow flag?
For much of my life, I was waving a yellow flag. I wanted to fit in and be liked. I wanted to please those around me. And, I did not want to cause trouble. But in fifth grade, I chose to play with a friend who was always being picked on. I risked being bullied myself because I liked her and wanted to play. That was my sole motivation. I hadn’t been concerned with what others thought. Later that week, my mom came home from a parent-teacher conference glowing and gave me a great big hug. She was so proud of me for having befriended the class outcast. I remember thinking that I hadn’t done anything special. I just played with my friend. That was all. But my action represented a polarizing moment. I did not care what was popular and I acted with authenticity. I wasn’t seeking the approval of others, including my mom. I did what felt true to me and as a result my mom was happy. Perhaps some of my classmates were silently rooting for me, while the rest were plotting to bully me too. I can only guess that they either loved me or hated me for my stance. For whatever reason, I did not become a target for those bullies.
But this type of incident was not my norm, more often than not I approached life rather timidly. I followed the plan that society and my parents, had laid out for me. Sure I’d chosen the business track, but the plan was general enough in nature for me to follow it on that path. I was taught that I should go to college and grad school, get into a lot of debt, and get a steady job that paid well enough to buy a house and car. I should get married and live a normal life. This signaled success.
And for some time, I thought I’d succeeded. But after a while, the jobs I held and the marriage I was in felt wrong. I felt dissatisfied with the “good” life I had created for myself. I was going along to get along. I’d amassed a lot of credit card debt and felt stuck. To mollify my feelings of failure, I started overeating and binging on episodes of Law and Order or Criminal Minds on the weekends. I gained a lot of weight and felt sluggish all of the time. I didn’t like myself, and if I could have, I would have left the room on myself, like that gentleman left the audience at that conference. But you can’t do that with yourself. Besides, I didn’t have a choice. I was in debt. I felt I had to go to a job I hated, and stay in a marriage that was failing. During that time, I didn’t completely hate me, but I certainly didn’t love me either. I did not have a polarizing story that compelled me to take action. So I waved the yellow flag of mediocrity and did nothing.
I continued like this from my mid-thirties to mid-forties. Then I learned my father was terminally ill. He died six weeks later. I miss him to this day, but when he passed, he gave me the biggest gift he could have ever given me. His death woke me up to the fact that I was wasting my life, that I wasn’t living an authentic life that polarized me to lead myself and take action. I’d gotten caught up in the trap of conformity. It felt icky to know that I held so much potential, but that I was squandering it because I was afraid to be me and follow my path.
Finding The Strength to Stand Strong
My father’s death provided a new start for me, where I took inventory of my life and faced some unflattering truths about myself and my life. I had to broach these truths so I could learn who I was, what I wanted, and what I was capable of doing. Only then could I create a compelling image for myself, one that would make me love myself and lead myself out of despair. I began to see a different way and started turning over new leaves. I showed up at work, giving it my all, and I began to create positive thought patterns. In so doing, I felt more true to myself and could see my capacity to contribute more.
If my dad’s death was the starting point, the first anniversary of my mom’s death was a way station where I could see my possibilities in even more precise focus. I had survived my first year without a living parent and I had thrived, despite my uncertainty that this was possible. I had proven to myself that I was capable of living without their guidance and advice. And I felt freer to be me and make decisions that were wholly based on my values and principles. I could create and follow my plan. I began making decisions that sometimes took me off the beaten path and on to the road less traveled. On this road, my message to myself is clear and compels me to follow me and my intuition, despite lots of uncertainty.
It’s scary to put a stake in the ground and go for what you know is right, whether in business or in life. It’s scary to do things that might alienate people. It is terrifying to know that your way of life could cause friends to become jealous or even not want to spend time with you because being around you makes them have to question who they have unwittingly become, and what they are choosing to tolerate. But in being decisive, in knowing what I stand for, and in being willing to share my message with the world–Live a Bold Life or Die Having Regrets–I am making a difference in this world and feel a peace and joy, I never imagined possible.
